How to be a Stoic

By Massimo Pigliucci

• Stoicism offers a practical and sensible guide to tackling life's problems and challenges.
• It concerns itself with three disciplines.
  • Desire - what we should and should not aim for;
  • Action -how we should behave
  • Assent -- how we should react to situations
• Stoic Principles
  • Not everything is within our control. Focus on what you can influence and don't worry about the rest. (dichotomy of control)
    • Ex - What is in the power, or control, of the nervous flyer? What can he do to prevent an in-air catastrophe? A little. He can choose whether his trip is necessary, and if so, which airline to choose. What he cannot do is control or influence anything once in the air. By now, he must accept the circumstances he is given, in this case, relying on his pilots, air traffic controllers, the weather and other factors outside his control. To fret further is a waste of energy.
    • Ex - Take the author's struggles with his weight. Long irritated by his chubbiness, he eventually chose to take control over his choices -- exercising moderately, eating well and in smaller quantities. He achieved a better physique, but not the slim, muscular body many desire. Factors beyond his control, such as his genes, rendered that goal unachievable. But with the attitude of a Stoic, he has derived satisfaction from knowing that he has successfully tackled the factors under his control and can accept the outcome of his efforts with equanimity.
    • Ex - Consider someone who's in line for a possible promotion. She thinks she may get it -- she has performed well over several years and done all she can to ensure success. But she continues to agonize about the office politics that could get in the way or colleagues who may provide competition. A better approach would be to think like a Stoic. Satisfied that she has done what is in her power to do, she could wait and accept the news calmly, whether good or bad.
  • Stoics taught that we should follow moral virtue instead of pursuing wealth, health or comfort in life.
    • Wealth should never be the cause of disregarding moral virtue
    • Ex - Bank moral obligations
  • Stoic concepts of virtue, based onwisdom, courage, temperance and justice, have always been important.
    • Four aspects of virtue
      • Temperance - Temperance allows us to control our instinctive desires, like avoiding flirting with a married person.
      • Courage - Courage gives us the mental strength to act well under difficult circumstances, like standing up to a bully.
      • Justice - Justice meant -- for the Stoics -- treating others fairly and with dignity.
      • Wisdom
  • Observing and imitating role models is an effective way to lead a good life

Cato stabbed himself but did not immediately die. He lay bleeding, his bowels hanging out of his body. His doctor tried to save him, but Cato -- seeing his physician's intentions -- tore out his own bowels and died. In death as in life, Cato was a model of virtue: sacrificing himself to avoid giving his morally contemptible opponent any political advantage.

• Stoicism can empower your attitude toward death.

Stoics argued that you should constantly remind yourself of the impermanence of things, including humans.

When you kiss your wife or child, he said, tell yourself you are kissing a mortal. You won't be so upset if they are taken from you.

• Pause and reflect; put yourself in the shoes of others, and you will better handle provocation and misfortune.
  • Epictetus said we should "take a moment before reacting"
  • For example, if you break a glass, perhaps one you are a little fond of, you might react with some small sadness or irritation at your clumsiness. But were you to see a friend breaking a glass, you might quickly say "bad luck, nevermind" and then think nothing more of it. There's a lesson in the way we react to others' small misfortunes; we should accept our own misfortunes with greater equanimity.
• Take care to invest in truly good friendships and in good conversation for a better life.

Types of friendships

• Friendship of utility - which means relationships based on mutual advantage (Me and my hairdresser)

• Frindship of pleasure - Drinking friends, running friends, collegues

• Friendship of good - the people with whom we find an affinity in personality that doesn't require a business relationship or a mutual hobby for support.

• Actionable Advice

  • Reflect on the day before you sleep.
  • Find a quiet place at home before you sleep and reflect on the day. Consider important occurrences -- a difficult interaction with a colleague, or a moment of helpfulness toward your partner. What have you learned from these moments? Have you fallen into bad habits or vice? Could you have handled a situation better, with more consideration? Honest reflection, every day, will help guide you toward a good life.