Behavior Management

Aggression - When a Child Hurts Other Children

Establish a firm rule: "Don't hit. Hitting hurts, and we do not hurt people."
For aggressive behavior, give your child a brief time-out in a boring place. Assign one minute of time-out for every year of the child's age, to a maximum of five minutes. Time-out helps a child learn to cool down rather than blow up when he is angry. If it looks as if your child might hurt someone, intervene immediately. Stop the behavior at the early threatening or shoving stage. Do not wait until the victim screams or is hurt. If a time-out does not seem to be effective, take away your child's favorite toy or TV time for the rest of the day.
Give special attention to the victim. After putting your child in time-out, pick up the child who has been injured and give him extra sympathy and attention. It is especially helpful if you can rescue the victim before he is hurt. From the "perpetrator's" viewpoint, the attention he wanted is now being given to the other child, and that should give him some "food for thought." If fighting among your child and certain playmates or siblings is a pattern, make sure the "victim" isn't setting up the "perpetrator" in order to gain attention.
Suggest acceptable ways to express anger. Encourage her to come to you when she's angry and talk about it until she feels better. A second option is to teach your child to stop and count to ten before doing anything about her anger. A third option is to help her learn to walk away from a bad situation. Giving a time-out is one way of helping her walk away from anger.
Verbalize your child's feelings for him. If he can't talk about his anger, put it into words for him: "I know that you feel angry." It is unrealistic to expect your child not to feel anger. You may need to make an understanding statement such as, "You wish you could punch your brother, but we cannot hurt other people."
Teach your child acceptable ways to get what she wants. Teach her how to ask or negotiate for what she wants rather than talking about it. Teach her how to take turns and how to trade one of her toys for the use of another child's toy.
Never hit your child for hitting someone else. Hitting your child only teaches him that it is fine to hit if you are bigger. If your child tends to be aggressive, it is critical to eliminate all physical punishment, such as spanking. You can use many other consequences to help teach your child right from wrong
Praise your child for friendly behavior
Take preventive measures. Set a good example for your child. Demonstrate self-control and verbal problem solving. Help your child avoid playmates who tease persistently and situations in which he often gets into fights. When your child becomes tired or hungry, leave the play setting until these needs are met.

stanfordchildrens.org/content-public/pdf/bayside-medical-group/BMG handout hurts others.pdf

Tantrum

Despite the term "the terrible twos," temper tantrums can start as early as 12 months and continue beyond age 3 or 4 — though they do occur most commonly during a child's second or third year.

Why tantrums happen

Frustrated with his own limited abilities to express his feelings and communicate with words
Hungry, tired, overstimulated or bored
The need to assert independence
A lack of control

Preventing toddler temper tantrums

While sometimes tantrums are inevitable, a few smart strategies can help head them off:

Work with your child's personality. For many kids, keeping a schedule of regular mealtimes, nap times and bedtimes offers a sense of what they can expect at various points in their day — which makes them feel more secure, in control and comforted. However, other kids thrive on spontaneity — so if your child seems to get stressed out by schedules, ease up a bit.
Ward off the "fearsome four." Hunger, fatigue, boredom and overstimulation, that is. That means avoid overscheduling or planning a big excursion (like grocery shopping) before nap time. And make sure to leave the house when your toddler's tummy is full — and with healthy snacks and a favorite small toy or book in tow.
Cut down on the need to say "no." This includes childproofing your home (so you don't have to constantly cry, "No, don't touch that!") and setting clear limits.
Provide choice whenever possible (but not too many). Being able to make simple decisions ("Do you want to eat cereal or yogurt this morning?") helps a toddler feel more in control.
Don't say "maybe." In toddler translation, "maybe" equals "yes." Instead, say "yes" or "no," or negotiate a compromise.

9 ways to cope with a toddler temper tantrum

Play a game
Make your child laugh
Hide
Seek
Allow the forbidden
Speak softly
Don't react
Stand your ground
Hold him

Temper tantrum don'ts

Whatever you do, don't give in to his demands. This only teaches the lesson that tantrums are a means to an end. If you're out in public and your child won't calm down, consider ending the outing.
Don't minimize his feelings. Avoid saying things like, "It's not a big deal" or, "There's nothing to get so upset about."
Don't use physical punishment. It's never a good idea, but it's especially risky at a time when emotions are running high and you're in danger of losing control.

Toddler Temper Tantrums

Why Your Toddler Suddenly Talks Back – The Truth No One Tells You